03/18 "Girl, get up"

 This morning, I was still harboring feelings about my ex not following me back on Twitter and Instagram after I re-followed him from initially unfollowing him. It made me feel unwanted, small, and like he hates me. My mind couldn't help but race with all the things that might be wrong with me and why he is not even choosing to accept me. Something so small—it's laughable, actually—yet tears welled in my eyes and made me feel so small.

I can't feel like this anymore. I won't feel like this anymore.

This past Sunday, I made a decision in God's name to forgive him and forgive myself, and forgiveness includes letting go and moving on. I took a shower, turned TikTok off, and had a talk with myself and God. I asked God to remind me of forgiveness, to give me the power to forgive and to let go. I looked in the mirror and said a series of "I love you's" and "Jesus loves you." I reminded myself that it is okay for me to have these feelings, but I will acknowledge them and move on.

I knew I needed more. I went into my room and watched Sarah Jakes Roberts' "Girl, Get Up." Because, girl, really—get up. She spoke about Luke; I don't remember the specific chapter, but the story was about a young girl who everyone said was dead. Jesus came to her in her camp and told her to rise. She arose, and Jesus told her family not to tell anyone. Sarah also spoke about Eve—how, although she was broken after eating the apple, she still was able to kill the serpent.

Girl, get up. Let your spirit arise again. Let your light shine again. Let God work through you again. Let go of the bitterness, let go of insecurities. Get up and let God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit work through you.

That stuck with me. I had to set the tone for my day. I won’t let my feelings control me. Jesus will cover and guide me. I had to listen to "I'm Walking" by Mary Mary. I am doing this day by day, one step at a time.

xoxo MJ